Isolation Orders

We came home from the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) more than 7 months ago.  And we have been home - only home - since then.  
 

At first, it was an absolute delight and relief to be home.  No more trips to the hospital.  No more separated family.  

It was also a little scary.  Our baby girl was still having “spells,” where her heart would stop beating and she would stop breathing.  We would watch her oxygen levels drop on her monitor.  She would have to be stimulated to be revived.  Someone described it as being like SIDS but assured us that she would outgrow it…eventually.  Between the hospital and home, she had 14 of these episodes.  Fourteen times, the seconds seemed like hours as we helped her start breathing again, wondering if this "spell" would cause brain damage or be the time we would have to say goodbye.  I still have flashbacks and other symptoms of PTSD because of it.  I’m learning to handle beeping noises better now.  

At the beginning, I was happy to have the isolation orders.  Our girl weighed only 4 pounds when we brought her home and required around-the-clock care.  She had trouble nursing, so I was exclusively pumping for her, too.  There was no time to think about having visitors, much less going out.

As she grew and started to give me more sleep, I started to think about venturing out.  I thought Christmas would be our first outing – the Christmas Eve service at church and the family Christmas party.  Nope.  I thought we would be released in time to go out to dinner for my birthday.  Nope.  I thought Easter Sunday might be our first time at church.  Nope.  And now I’m hoping that Husband’s birthday will be the day.

If you’ve ever been confined to your home, even just because you or your child has the flu, you know how real “cabin fever” is.    After having our isolation orders extended so many times, I began to wonder if God had something He wanted to teach me.  Isolation orders may be restrictive, but they do not give me permission to waste my time.  I asked Him to show me how He wanted to use this time.

I began to consider whether there were other examples of isolation in the Bible and thought of Paul being placed under house arrest.

I considered Paul’s example – what did he do while he was under house arrest or imprisoned?  He wrote letters.  He wrote letters to the churches, and many of these letters make up the New Testament today.   

I wonder if Paul knew that the words he was writing were to be read by generations thousands of years after him.   Did he just hope the letters would reach their destination?  I wonder if he wished he could be out ministering to these churches in person, instead of writing from home.  Did he get cabin fever?  Maybe he knew that the letters were inspired by God and serving a greater purpose.  Maybe he didn't.  Whatever Paul may having been thinking, I’m glad he wrote those letters.  I’m glad God put him in the circumstances that brought about those letters.  

While thinking on all of this, I began to believe that God wanted me to use my time, especially while under orders for isolation, to write.  I know my words are not inspired or of any sort like Paul’s, but the isolation orders have led to some journaling, some notes to friends, and this blog.

The hilarious (and slightly embarrassing) part is that no one knows this blog exists.  My husband knows all that the Lord has impressed on my heart and even helped me come up with the blog name, but he doesn’t know it’s here yet.  I’ve never written for the public eye, and I’ve even burned a few journals, not because of their content but because I feel so vulnerable when others read my writing.

This is certainly an act of obedience and something I am doing for my Lord.  If we decide to share this blog someday, I pray that you would grow to know and love Jesus because of it.